It took years of feeling afraid, isolated, and hopeless, before realized she had the strength to change it all.

My childhood was filled with physical, sexual, emotional abuse, and neglect mainly at the hands of my mother.

I left home at 16 years old. When I was 19, I moved in with a friend, and started working at a local truck stop. This is where I met my ex-husband, a truck driver, who would frequently seek me out. He was clearly interested and extremely pushy, asking me over and over again if I would go out with him. Because of how I was raised, I didn’t know how to say no and within two months I was living with him. He became my drug gate and when we got married we were both high as a kite. At one point, I believed the drugs would kill me. As far as I could see, death was my only way out, and I would have been okay with that.

Trapped, Isolated, and with no way out.

My husband moved us to Washington, under the guise of a weeklong trip. He controlled everything, my job, the car, the finances, even my friendships. There wasn’t a part of my life that he didn’t have his hand wrapped around. Church, which during my childhood had been a source of trauma, was now the only thing I had to fall back on. It became my only escape.

Things got really bad! The abuse continued to the point he would take sex from me after I had fallen asleep. Once, to get away from him I hid under the bed, but he dragged me out.

His abuse turned to the kids

He consistently yelled at our three young children, and once he even kicked them out of the car leaving them alone standing on the sidewalk. Terrified as we drove away, crying I begged him to stop and go back.

“Please, please, they are going to get hurt! They don't know how to take care of themselves, they don’t even know how to cross a road”.

It took about fifteen minutes of begging before he went back.

He once left out one of his bank statements and I saw how much he spent daily on food for himself, even though he had told me he couldn't afford the kids school lunches. This triggered me. I had nowhere to go and I refused to leave my children. So I moved into a camper on the driveway.

There were nights where he would stand outside the trailer, holding so still that oftentimes I wondered if I was imagining him standing there.

While separated, I realized I was attracted to women and not men. When I went to church I was told that I needed to try harder as a wife. Eventually I had to move back in and within a week I was suicidal. Life was as bad as it had ever been. That first night, he grabbed my breast and squeezed it hard and said “This is my body, don't you ever forget it.”

I sought help, not for myself but for my daughter

I first found the Family Support Center, I was in search of therapy for my daughter. Being put on a four month waitlist, we left disappointed. However, within five minutes the receptionist called saying she had a therapist who overheard our conversation and would like to meet with us immediately. We turned around and after our initial appointment, I started to see her regularly. Within a couple of months she told me

“I don’t think your marriage is healthy or normal”.

She said if I wanted to work on it and fix it, she would help me, but also that I didn’t have to continue living like that.

From here everything changed

She introduced me to the Family Support Center’s LifeStart Village. I applied and moved into LifeStart Village with my kids. From there I learned how to do life. I learned how to grocery shop, pay bills, and basic car maintenance. I received a new job, and for the first time I had my own income and control of my money. It was hard and often, I thought I was at my wits ends. However I did not give up and took advantage of all the programs FSC and others had to offer. Eventually I registered for classes at Salt Lake Community College. I'm now studying occupational therapy, and working in a job that I enjoy and am good at.

I finally realized that I could control my own life.

I learned it is okay to be vulnerable. It is ok to be authentic. I have come so far in learning how to not only exist in the world, but to contribute to the world. The moment I realized life had changed was when I cut my hair- this was the biggest relief in the world to be able to quit trying to be someone else. To quit trying to be girly.

Now, I have control over my life and I get to learn from my choices. When I make a mistake I get to learn from that. And when I do something well I’m the one who benefits.

If I could offer a word of advice to my younger self I would say, don't be afraid to listen and to reach out for help. Don't be afraid to hope. I would say you matter. Your experiences matter and you are worth a chance.

-Client Story, Written by Courtney Eborn, Family Support Center

It's OK to Ask for Help